The Voyage of the Greasy Slinger

I closed my eyes.

The huge gates towered over me as I stood there waiting to enter the city. A guard finally looked down from his post on  top of the wall, smiled and waved to me, then ordered someone to open the massive wooden doors.

I felt very insignificant walking through the gigantic opening. It was obviously made for the entry and exit of huge armies and fighting machines. Once inside, though, the street quickly narrowed into a maze of twisting alleys. Maneuvering through them was hard and made even more difficult because of all the prone guerneys and greers.

I headed for the temple in the center of the city as fast as I could, dodging goodgies as they fell from the rooftops. I finally reached it after tripping over several nacks that the goodgies had fallen on.

Once inside the temple, I felt safe. But my safety, and my peace of mind, quickly disappeared when I saw a vile looking creature partially blocking my way to the idol room. It was, to my surprise, a greasy slinger.

Greasy slingers were supposed to have been exterminated in the ancient Temple Wars, but now large numbers of them, much to the consternation of the rulers and discomfort to the populace, have again been infiltrating the cities.


He remained still, stiff, and quiet, and his eyes followed me as I carefully stepped over him. I nervously reached the alter and began to tell the idol,

"Standing in the doorway, laying in the pew,
'Tis a greasy slinger there, not appearing new,
'Tis a greasy slinger there, on a slate so clean,
On a slimy billiar queue, eating gormy mean."

Almost before I finished, the idol gave me a small printed message that told me to speak directly to the creature. So I did.

"What say?" quoth I, to he, be she or it,
"Must you lay in your nappie, or nap be on your sit,
I see you mopped a guerney, and carted crackle fop,
But never in a doorway or pew be on you spot."

To my surprise, he quickly and nimbly jumped up, gave me his version of an obscene gesture, and cursed,

"Fuzz ye," to I say he, voice and tongue both bitey,
Kite and lper aimed at thus, many of them mighty,
"Pour forth unto poppy lots, and cook greers until goldy,
Sacks and flowers kindled keed, nacks and goodgies mouldy."

I didn't risk coming all the way to the temple to be abused, so I saluted him, turned on my heels, and ran away before his words could hurt me. However, his exclamations echoed in my head, and I tried to drown them out by yelling,

"Here I leave the Temple Pert and being in the cruelly,
Port a miley kilo too, and sought a booby truely,
On to Dooty Ebineer, I'll pass the gate of Prime,
Should I fall into a Homigal, I hope I wake in time."

I opened my eyes.

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